Why I'm not Carrie Bradshaw - and why I never will be or want to be her.

As one watches the sugar silk screen Sarah Jessica Horse-face Parker as wears an odd printed dress and real horses with stilettos, we see her run through NYC's streets like a fucking gazelle and - I'm sorry, I want her to trip. JUST FUCKING ONCE. OR TWICE. OR MAYBE FOUR TIMES. Don't get me wrong, it's a greatly written character, but I hate her. I don't think her fucking puns are funny, and she's the ugliest out of all them bitches, and why does she get all of the attention? She's so dumb and retarded, I hate her.
Your jokes are not funny.
Your outfits are retarded - you aren't pretty enough to pull them off.
And, you know what? She whines too much. And she complains too much - if I were a guy, I wouldn't want to pork that.
I'm sorry, she is stupid.
Samantha got her shit together, okay?
fuck what people think, fuck sugar - eat salt.
Get laid, because it feels good and it's fun to be naked with people. There is nothing bad about sex. However,
Carrie is always with her bra on. It's dumb.
I will never be carrie Bradshaw because I don't want other people's approval, I don't want to be the quirky cute type. I want to grab a guy and douse him with poison - I want to be the scary-good-lay type. Carrie cares about shoes. I don't really, I care about catching lies with butterfly nets.... ugh, who cares? I dont care about making babies just for the sake of giving up parts of my wild thorniness, and I don't believe in sacrificing myself on the altar of society's bullshit. I'm about to go crazy when I think of women like you. You don't even know who the fuck you are, do you? Stop trying to get to Heaven when your head will not leave Sodom and Gomorrah, and frankly, you don't want it to.