I kicked off the final leg of my undergraduate degree this past monday. I chose my school because of it not being coeducational, so there would be no distractions. But, you may ask, why would there be any distractions? You're married, right?
Yes, I'm married. I'm fucking married. I'm happily fucking married. But I'm frustrated with the world in general, and myself, and him, right now. I feel so completely alone in this school of women, that are suppossed to be 'just like me.' Everyone has a friend. Or a room-mate. I don't, well, I do, but she's a different major and we have no classes together. I sit in class and pray we don't have to get into 'groups'. when we do, I feel 12 again, when no other girls wanted to hang out with me because I was covered in pimples and wore off-brand clothing.
And then there is my dirty secret many of these girls don't know: I'm married. The few girls I have told, they gave me a look like I had lobsters on my head. And, I'm starting to realize, how much it does kind of suck that I am married. I have none of my own money (until I finally get my stipend and start working), I don't own my own car, I can't do what I want, I feel dependant on him, and the worst is, I feel like I'm just an after thought to him. I'm starting to really hate our routine, even though I feel secure in it. But I'm afraid by saying I'm starting to dislike it, it'll all come crashing down in a bad way. I feel like we need something good and interesting to come our way to help us realize something special - or it's going to get worse, these feelings I am having.
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